Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
