It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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