The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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