I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
