have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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