You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
