I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
