Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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