I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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