About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
