This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
