when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
