I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
