Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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