just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have so many feelings about this burrito
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
