oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
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