I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize