i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
