R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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