So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just high enough for therapy.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
