I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
