The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
