I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
