I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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