I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
