remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize