I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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