thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
