Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
