Im at strip club and am horny
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
