He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize