Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
