If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
