...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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