I think I won the penis lottery.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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