hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
