there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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