Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
