I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
