Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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