You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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