Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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