She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize