i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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