"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
