You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
