After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
