id be glad to
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The beers last night were like the tears from god
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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