I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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