my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
