I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
