what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
