I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
