remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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