don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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