You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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