hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
