just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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