he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
