Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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