It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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