I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
