Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
