come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
