it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
