The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
