does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
