you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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