Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
