Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
