if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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