And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
