That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
