I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Come on in and take your pants off
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