I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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