i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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