Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
