Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize